Apologies if the quality of the video is below par. In order to get the full-length video to upload to YouTube, I've had to convert my recording to a different format. Hopefully YouTube will fix the problem with uploading the original format and I will go back to it ASAP.
Today's Creative Health Tip is: Shoulda' Coulda' Woulda'
This is sort of fun language play, but I know that you are aware of the impact of language, and that the words you use in your self-talk can make a huge difference in your life!
I was reading Louse Hay's book You Can Heal Your Life, and on page 15 she points out an interesting way we perceive the word "should." She says, "…I believe that should is one of the most damaging words in our language. Every time we use should, we are, in effect, saying "wrong." Either we are wrong or we were wrong or we are going to be wrong. I don’t think we need more wrongs in our life. We need to have more freedom of choice. I would like to take the word should and remove it from the vocabulary forever. I'd replace it with the word could. Could gives us a choice, and we are never wrong."
Further, on page 16, talking about the way the word should influences our lives, Louise Hay says, "We often find [people] have been berating themselves for years for something they never wanted to do in the first place. Or they have been criticizing themselves for not doing something when it was never their idea to begin with. Often it was just something that some else said they "should" do. When they can see that, they can just drop it from the "should list." What a relief that is.
"Look at all the people who try to force themselves for years into a career they don't even like only because their parents said they "should" become a dentist or a teacher. How often have we felt inferior because we were told we "should" be smarter or richer or more creative like some relative."
Being a wordsmith and lover of etymology – the derivations of words – I had to check this one out. Here is what I found in the online etymology dictionary http://www.etymonline.com/ :
While it doesn’t have anything to do with being wrong in any way, "should" certainly carries the idea of making a commitment, and appears to heap on the guilt and debt!
The word should is from "Old English sceolde, past tense of sceal (see shall). Preserves the original notion of "obligation" that has all but dropped from shall." It wants you to make a commitment, probably to something you may not really want to do. As it is related to the word shall, here is the scoop on that one. Shall comes from "O.E. sceal "I owe/he owes, will have to, ought to, must." Related via past tense form to O.E. scyld "guilt," Ger. Schuld "guilt, debt" "
Louise says she would replace should with could. Let's see if that is going to work better for us:
Could is from the Old English "cuðe, pt. of cunnan "to be able" (see can (v.))." Can is derived from "O.E. 1st & 3rd pers. sing. pres. indic. of cunnan "know, have power to, be able."
So, with could, we are able and have the power, but do we want to do whatever it is that we could, or are we still being pushed into something we "should" but don't really want to do?
Our safest bet by far is would! Would comes from the Old English wolde, past tense of willan "to will" (see will (v.)). Will is derived from "O.E. *willan, wyllan "to wish, desire, want" (past tense wolde). The implication of intention or volition distinguishes it from shall, which expresses or implies obligation or necessity."
So, if you want to create a good feeling and good health around all those things that everyone – including yourself! – says you should do (obligation and guilt), and you think that you could do (just because you are able does not make it desirable), check in with your intuition – that gut feeling that tells you that you are on the right track – and see if it says, "I would!" because you wish, desire, and want to do that!
If your intuition doesn't say "I would," then the item you are asking about doesn't belong in your life!
Have a safe and fun 4th of July weekend!