Stress Relief Tip 17 April 2009

Here is your Heaven On Earth Stress Relief Tip for this week!

This is a tough one, and I'm not sure why people don't do it, if we think it's going to make us look incapable or whatever, but we don't ask for help when we need it.

There are two people I know who recently have gone through some challenges with their families, and one asked for help. They've come through it now, are getting over their problems, and everything has worked out very well for them. I think that's because the person who needed that help asked for it.

I know another lady who is taking care of an elderly relative and not only will she not ask for help, she won't accept help when it's offered. I honor where she is and her reasons for doing that, but at the same time she's getting very stressed out, she's getting very burned out, and it looks like she's headed for a place where not only is she not going to be able to care for her relative, she won't be able to take care of herself.

If you need a hand with something, ask. If the first person, or the second person, or even the fifth person you ask is not able to help you, honor where they are. You don't know what's going on in their lives, they really may not be able to help you at this time. Don't take "No" personally. Keep asking! The right person to help you will come along, and it will work out beautifully.

To help with that, I'd like to mention an organization for which I am the Admin person here in Bend: it's called Time Banks or Time Traders. This is a free service, a "pay it forward" organization in which you do favors for other people, and you earn time for doing that. You "pay" for favors for anything that you need by donating your time to another member. There's an online system behind this organization; you sign in, you then put in what you need and what you can do for others.

It's people helping people! If you would like more information, please send an email to me at stressrelief4me@gmail.com . Put Time Traders in the subject. If you would like me to call you, send your phone number, or I can attach and email the information to you. Either way is fine with me! If you are interested, just let me know!


Have a heavenly weekend!

Michelle

Suicide Rates Rising Among Middle Age Women

This trend is pretty scary, but not as surprising nor as unfathomable as the researchers seem to think.

Here is the story; my own comments follow at the end.

Middle-aged women drive rise in U.S. suicides: study

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20081021/hl_nm/us_suicide_usa

By Maggie Fox, Health and Science Editor Maggie Fox, Health And Science Editor

October 21, 2008

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – U.S. suicide rates appear to be on the rise, driven mostly by middle-aged white women, researchers reported on Tuesday.

They found a disturbing increase in suicides between 1999 and 2005 and said the pattern had changed in an unmistakable way -- although the reasons behind the change are not clear.

The overall suicide rate rose 0.7 percent during this time, but the rate for white men aged 40 to 64 rose 2.7 percent and for middle-aged women 3.9 percent, the team at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore found.

"The biggest increase that we have seen between 1999 and 2005 was the increase in poisoning suicide in women -- that went up by 57 percent," said Susan Baker, a professor in injury prevention with a special expertise in suicide.

Writing in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, Baker, Guoqing Hu and colleagues said they analyzed publicly available death certificate data from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

"The results underscore a change in the epidemiology of suicide, with middle-aged whites emerging as a new high-risk group," Baker said in a statement.

"Historically, suicide-prevention programs have focused on groups considered to be at highest risk -- teens and young adults of both genders as well as elderly white men. This research tells us we need to refocus our resources to develop prevention programs for men and women in their middle years."

Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the United States and Baker said the changes are substantial.

"Definitely these are not just little blips," she said in a telephone interview. "We are looking at a big population change."

She hopes other researchers will study the reasons behind the shifts. "I certainly think we need research to look at the information that we have on people who have committed suicide," she said.

"Are these people living alone, with no major responsibility or others to take care of, or are they people overwhelmed with all of the jobs and responsibilities they have? We need to find out more about the conditions under which these people are living."

The middle-aged women and men used various methods to kill themselves -- poisons, prescription drugs, hanging or suffocation, and firearms, Baker said.

While firearms remain the most common method, the rate of gun suicides decreased while suicide by hanging or suffocation increased by 6.3 percent among men, and 2.3 percent among women.

In September researchers confirmed an 18 percent spike in youth suicides in the United States in 2004 persisted into 2005 after more than a decade of decreases.

And international research published in January found that the young, single, female, poorly educated and mentally ill are all at higher risk of suicide.

According to the World Health Organization, suicide rates have increased by 60 percent in the last 45 years. Depression is the leading cause of suicide.

(Reporting by Maggie Fox; Editing by Julie Steenhuysen)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Michelle here again. . .

Personally, I would like to know if the jump has been gradual since 1963, or if there has been a spike in the suicide rates more recently. I think that could give a lot of insight into what is behind this terrible trend.

Here are some reasons that I believe contribute to the rise in women committing suicide in record numbers:

Just being a woman means there is something wrong with you and you need to be fixed:

· Young girls must be medicated for a virus that the FDA has said "are short-lived and not associated with cervical cancer;"

· Young women must be medicated to reduce or eliminate the menstrual cycle;

· Middle-age women must be medicated to overcome menopause;

· Elderly women must be medicated to overcome osteoporosis.

· From 9 to 90, you spend your entire life on drugs!

Here is an eye-opener: a chart ranked by number of prescriptions filled for women by state showing prescriptions filled for both men and women in 2007. Overall, women are prescribed far more drugs than men.

"Retail Prescription Drugs Filled at Pharmacies (Annual per Capita by Gender) 2007"

	Male	Female
United States	9.0	13.8
Alaska	5	8.1
Hawaii	7.2	9.5
California	6.4	9.6
Colorado	6	9.7
New Mexico	6.3	9.8
District of Columbia	6.5	10.3
Arizona	7.2	11.1
Washington	7.4	11.4
Utah	7.2	11.7
Maryland	8	11.7
Oregon	7.6	12.3
Idaho	7.6	12.3
Nevada	8	12.4
Texas	8.2	12.9
Minnesota	8.2	12.9
New Jersey	9.3	12.9
Michigan	8.9	13.4
Virginia	8.8	13.6
Wyoming	8.2	13.6
New York	9.5	13.8
South Dakota	8.3	13.9
Georgia	9.2	14.3
Montana	8.8	14.3
Ohio	9.3	14.4
New Hampshire	9.7	14.4
Illinois	9.4	14.5
Wisconsin	9.8	14.8
Rhode Island	10.2	14.8
Maine	10	14.8
Connecticut	10.4	14.8
Delaware	10.4	14.9
Pennsylvania	10	14.9
Vermont	10.4	15.2
Oklahoma	9.7	15.4
North Dakota	9.6	15.5
Florida	10.3	15.5
Massachusetts	11	15.6
Kansas	10	16.4
North Carolina	10.7	16.7
Indiana	10.7	16.9
Nebraska	10.4	17
Iowa	11.3	17.8
Mississippi	11.5	18.1
Louisiana	12.2	18.5
Kentucky	12.8	19.5
Arkansas	12.5	19.6
Missouri	12.2	19.6
Tennessee	13	20
South Carolina	12.9	20.2
Alabama	13.1	20.4
West Virginia	14.4	21.5

Furthermore:

You are paid less than a man doing the same work. This is a major source of stress, anxiety, fear, and depression.

You have wrinkles, and you are never thin enough. This is a major source of anxiety and depression.

You may be caring for children, spouse, and parents, but there is no one to take care of you! This is a major cause of stress, anxiety, and depression.

You don't eat right, and don't get enough sunlight so you are deficient in many nutrients, especially Vitamin D. This is a major cause of stress, anxiety, depression, and general illness.

You are expected to participate in the competitive business world and yet that is counter to all we know about women and how they work best, which is cooperatively not competitively. This is a major cause of stress, anxiety, and fear.

Your main source of support and stress-relief has virtually disappeared; hanging out with other women. This is a major source of stress, anxiety, loneliness and depression.

Women, you must break the cycle. You are the only ones who can.

Stop listening to the television tell you who you are and what you are supposed to be, do, and think.

Start listening to that most-ridiculed and yet most profound and relevant of womanly senses: Intuition.

And, for goodness sake, read the article about the Back Fence Network and then get out there and hang out with other women!

Excellent Blog Awards!

I am very honored to have been selected twice in the same day to receive an Excellent Blog Award!

These are from two people whom I also respect and admire for their dedication and excellence and information….Caroline at Earth Friendly Gardening and Geraldine at Veggies, Yarns and Tails.

Here are my choices – in alphabetical order – for "Must read!" blogs: I'm passing along the Excellent Blog Award to:

Two by Jade, AppleJade and Arboreality (Two by the same person count as one so I don't go over the limit of ten blogs! :-)

Mike at Cloud Hands: Mind/Body Movement Arts


Caroline at Earth Friendly Gardening: Sustainable Gardening for a Healthy Planet

Ecumenical Buddhism – "An exploration of what unites Buddhism (and Eastern thought) to other more Western religions, rather than what separates them."

Barbra at Home Business Wiz

Derek at Journey Of A Thousand Miles

Charlsie at Manifesting Universe (or Manifesting From The Inside Out)

Hilary at Online Clarity's I Ching

Amit at The Power of Choice

Geraldine at Veggies, Crafts, and Tails

Gratitude and Thanksgiving

I will be away from my blog for the week before and the week following Thanksgiving, and I can't think of a better thought to leave you with over the Thanksgiving holiday than "Gratitude" by James Harvey Stout (deceased), philosopher and observer of life.

(I will be checking email, so please do leave comments if you like.)

This excerpt is one of many thoughtful and thought-provoking essays in Mr. Stout's Human Handbook, his "encyclopedia of life," available for free in its entirety on the Tools For Transformation (Trans 4 Mind) website. http://www.trans4mind.com/jamesharveystout/

I wish you a happy, abundant, and gratitude-filled Thanksgiving.

~Michelle~

Gratitude

By James Harvey Stout

What is gratitude?

1. It is our natural response when we receive something of value. This acknowledgement occurs in various areas of life:
• Mental. We acknowledge that we have received a valuable object. And we strive to perceive the giver of the object (although the giver might be an unknown person, or an inscrutable deity). In contrast, an ungrateful person does not acknowledge the value nor the giver. Gratitude is primarily an experience of the emotions, while the mind is experiencing "appreciation" and "significance."
• Emotional. Gratitude is a response of happiness and warmth when we receive something of value. But the emotion does not occur only within us; we also seek to evoke that happiness with the giver -- perhaps by smiling, and saying, "Thank you."
• Physical. It is a sense of commitment to give gifts in return. Gratitude is a bonding among fellow humans in a world where our material needs are fulfilled by one another.
• Spiritual. Gratitude is our childlike thankfulness for the miracle of life and for the amazing capacity of life to satisfy our needs. Because we enjoy this flow of life, we are grateful for the things which we receive, and we are also grateful for opportunities to give. Gratitude does not occur simply because we gave or received a material object; instead, gratitude is ultimately based in the joy of participating in life. Thus, we can be grateful to someone even if we paid for the person's service; this gratitude is toward life itself, as it satisfies our needs through this person. In gratitude, we transcend the material transaction, to experience spirit itself.

The benefits from gratitude.

1. Gratitude generates a pleasant sensation within us. When we are grateful, we experience happiness, fulfillment, peace of mind, and a flow of love (which is the literal "flow" of spiritual substance from us to the other person or object).
2. Gratitude offers a means by which we can counteract unwanted psychological states, such as these states:
• Greed and envy. Gratitude helps us to achieve emotional satisfaction in the ownership of our current possessions; gratitude is a type of "savoring." If we do not achieve emotional satisfaction with our current possessions, we futilely try to achieve that satisfaction with the mere ownership of more possessions; thus, we experience greed and envy. But we will never feel contentment with regard to our goods until we savor them, through emotional actions such as gratitude.
• Worry and fear. Gratitude helps us to be more aware of the many gifts which we receive; therefore, we do not worry as much about the flow of gifts which will occur in the future. When we are grateful, we dwell on the present moment, and the goodness of the past, instead of the uncertainty of the future.
• Grief. As we recognize the many gifts which we receive, we enhance our ability to release the things which have disappeared from our life, and to turn our attention to the current flow.
• Vanity. Gratitude reminds us that we do not live alone; we survive only because we are constantly receiving goods from people, from nature, and from spirit. We experience humility as we view the awesome movement of goods into our personal world. Gratitude helps us to perceive ourselves as a part of a benevolent system. We become more conscious of the many things which we receive from other people, from nature, and from other sources. And we notice the times when we give within this system. As we pay attention to the giving and receiving, we realize that we are not alone, but rather that our lives depend on the perpetual giving of others -- and we might feel a deeper responsibility to give more of ourselves, to contribute to the process. Albert Einstein said, "A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depends on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the measure as I have received and am still receiving."
• Depression. In depression, we have difficulty in seeing the value in the world around us. Gratitude can minimize the effect of depression by reinforcing the goodness.
• Repression. Repression occurs when we refuse to view particular conditions because those conditions cause discomfort. In contrast, gratitude introduces a pleasant sensation into our experience, so that we allow ourselves to perceive the conditions, even though the experience is a mixture of the pleasant and the unpleasant.
3. Gratitude helps us to see the positive value in circumstances. In unpleasant circumstances, we can be grateful for an opportunity to learn a difficult lesson, or to balance a "karmic" condition (which has been the result of the previously implanted elements in our archetypal fields). Even if we do not perceive a positive value in these circumstances, we have faith that life is ultimately good -- and we are grateful for that goodness. Many people are unhappy when they pay bills; other people are happy, because they dwell on their gratitude for the things which they have purchased.
4. Gratitude increases the possibility that we will receive more goodness in our life. We can see this effect upon various aspects of life:
• People. When we express gratitude in actions and words (e.g., "thank you"), people are rewarded for their generosity; thus, they are more likely to be generous again.
• Spirit. In our expression of gratitude, there is a flow of spiritual substance from us to a person or object. Whenever we increase that flow, we increase our life in every way: more energy, more awareness of intuition, etc. Because we understand this dynamic, we can express gratitude for things which we have not yet received; we know that our gratitude helps to increase the flow (which is likely to include the thing for which we are expressing gratitude-in-advance).

Techniques of gratitude.

1. Archetypal field-work.
• Self-talk. For example, "I appreciate all of the good things in my life." "I enjoy thanking people for their kindness."
• Directed imagination. We can visualize ourselves receiving valued items, and then smiling, or saying, "Thank you."
• Energy toning. We generate the energy tones of joy, delight, pleasure, etc.
• The "as if " principle. We act as if we are grateful when we receive items of value. The actions might include a smile, a hug, and particular words (e.g., "This is a wonderful gift!").
2. Intuition. When we receive a valued item, intuition can guide us in our response (including the particular words). Intuition can also determine the item's value to us, in terms of its enhancement of our life.
3. We can develop our ability to perceive the goodness in our life. Throughout our day, we are continually giving and receiving -- often without noticing these occurrences. If we decide to have an "attitude of gratitude," we become aware of more of the people and the subtle events in our life. This creative "game" can be played during stressful times, and also when we might otherwise be mentally bored -- while driving, while standing in a line, etc.
4. We can offer gratitude in various aspects of our lives.
• We can be grateful to many things: a person, a deity, nature, life itself.
• We can be grateful for many things: our home, food, comforts and pleasures, well-being (material, emotional, mental), physical health, sensory delights (e.g., delicious food), friends, clothing, life itself.
5. We can say, "Thank you," when someone gives something to us. And we can write "thank-you letters" to people. We express can gratitude for the gift, and for the person who gave us the gift.
6. We can acknowledge holidays which are focus our attention on gratitude. For example, in the United States, the citizens celebrate Thanksgiving, and Veterans' Day (when we express gratitude to veterans who have defended the nation).
7. We can "say grace" before we eat a meal. From a materialistic viewpoint, saying grace is illogical; we have no reason to be grateful for a meal for which we worked to earn the money -- but the idea of saying grace is to acknowledge that our own efforts might have come to fruition only because of the supplemental factor of spiritual "grace" (which is the unearned goodness in our life). We can say grace before every event, not just meals.
8. We can make a list of things for which we are grateful. We can even have a "gratitude journal," in which we note each day's gifts.
9. We can develop our self-esteem. We cannot feel gratitude if we do not feel that we are worthy of the gifts.
10. We can review our unpleasant memories, to find factors for which we can be grateful. In retrospect, we might realize that the circumstances were a necessary part of our education in life.
11. We can achieve a balance in gratitude.
• We can be grateful for the things which we possess, while still working toward additional goals. For example, we might be grateful for a "B" grade on a difficult exam, but we still strive for an "A" grade on the next exam.
• We can be grateful for the things which we receive, while still being discriminating. For example, we would not be very grateful if an employer pays us $1 for a full day of work. We naturally respond to the value of the object, particularly if we exerted an effort to obtain that object and we expect something of equal value. We can be objective about the objects which we receive, while still appreciating various other factors:
• We can appreciate the attempt of the person to give what is meant to be given (even if the person's greed or other dysfunctional archetypal-field constellations block the flow of materiality and spiritual substance to us).
• We can appreciate our opportunity to participate in life, while we (and other people) explore our intuitive perception of spirit's dynamics by which we all distribute the goodness of spirit itself in the realms of mind, emotions, and physical existence.

Argue Healthy to Reduce Stress and Heart Disease

With the holiday season fast approaching, most people who already have too-much-to-do find themselves with a lot more too-much-to-do. It's awfully easy to get tired, cranky, irritable, but you feel you have to hold it all in for the sake of the peace, or the family, or the neighborhood, or even the world!

However, if you are a woman, bottling-up your anger or keeping quiet to keep the peace is just about the worse thing you can do for your health. Consider this study on the risk of heart disease in women who shut-up and shut-in their feelings:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Begin quote from NCBI and Pub Med)

Marital status, marital strain, and risk of coronary heart disease or total mortality: the Framingham Offspring Study.


Eaker ED, Sullivan LM, Kelly-Hayes M, D'Agostino RB Sr, Benjamin EJ.

Eaker Epidemiology Enterprises, LLC, Gaithersburg, MD 20882, USA.


OBJECTIVE: To determine if marriage and marital strain are related to the 10-year coronary heart disease (CHD) incidence or total mortality. Research has demonstrated associations between marital strain and prognosis of heart disease, but little research has addressed the association between specific aspects of marital strain and incident CHD.

METHODS: From 1984 to 1987, 3682 participants (mean age 48.5 +/- 10.1 (standard deviation) years; 52% women) of the Framingham Offspring Study were examined; measures of marital status, marital strain, and risk factors for CHD were collected at the baseline examination. The present study describes the 10-year follow-up for incident CHD and total mortality.

RESULTS: After adjusting for age, systolic blood pressure, body mass index, cigarette smoking, diabetes, and total cholesterol/high density cholesterol, the married men compared with unmarried men were almost half as likely to die during follow-up (hazard ratio (HR) = 0.54; 95% confidence interval (CI): 0.34-0.83). Women who "self-silenced" during conflict with their spouse, compared with women who did not, had four times the risk of dying (HR = 4.01; 95% CI: 1.75-9.20). Men with wives who were upset by work were 2.7 times more likely to develop CHD (HR = 2.71; 95% CI: 1.22-6.03). Marital happiness, satisfaction, and disagreements were not related to the development of CHD or death in men or women. [Bold emphasis added by Michelle]

CONCLUSIONS: Our study suggests that marital communication, conflict, and strain are associated with adverse health outcomes. Further research into the influence of marital stress on health is merited.
PMID: 17634565 [PubMed - indexed for MEDLINE]
(End quote)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What to do about it? Well, here is an article by Dr. Laura Berman outlining ways you can speak up for yourself, get your point across, and keep both your heart and your relationship healthy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How to Argue...and Actually Improve Your Health

By Dr. Laura Berman Posted Fri, Oct 12, 2007

Is being nice bad for your health?

A recent study in the July report of Psychosomatic Medicine found that married women who bottled up their feelings after an argument were four times as likely to experience declining health as women who expressed their feelings openly.

This reluctance to express emotions and communicate openly is referred to as "self-silencing," and it has a devastating effect on our physical and emotional health. In fact, self-silencing has been linked to depression, eating disorders, and heart disease.

Despite these negative side effects, many couples still refrain from communicating honestly with their partner -- particularly if the needed communication is anything less than pleasant. Couples may fear expressing anger or sadness to their loved ones, as it may come across as criticism or judgment. However, without this crucial candor, relationships suffer and emotions fester.

So how can you communicate with your partner in a way that is kind but effective?

• Be Authentic. When couples argue, they tend to get caught up in the "who, what, when, and why" of the argument, rather than truly expressing what the argument really makes them feel. Instead, couples should be more descriptive of their feelings, because that's the crux of the issue. For instance, rather than "I can't believe you were late for dinner and didn't call me! This is just like last month when you [insert past indiscretion here]." A better way to truly express your real feelings about your partner's lack of punctuality would be to say, "It makes me sad when you are late and I don't know where you are. I get worried and feel sick to my stomach."
• Fight to Love, Not to Win. If you get into an argument with your spouse with the intention of proving how "right" you are, the argument will never be resolved. Instead, make love your goal during the dust-up. All couples fight, but there is a way to fight with harmony in mind. Insulting your partner, bringing up past fights, giving the silent treatment, or pretending like nothing is wrong are ineffective ways to solve an argument and merely add fuel to the fire.
• Keep It Sweet. Utah researchers found that marital arguing style has a correlation to couples' heart health. Couples who argued with hostility (Think remarks like, "Don't you know anything, you idiot?") were more likely to experience poor cardiac health than couples who argued with kindness (Think remarks like, "What you said just now hurt me. Can we talk about it?"). This type of composure during an argument is certainly easier said than done, so have a few safety mechanisms in place ahead of time. For instance, agree to take a breather for 30 minutes when arguments start to spiral out of control, or use a safety word (perhaps a funny reference to your favorite comedy) to defuse the situation.

Lastly, be sure to end each argument or cold spell with your spouse with affection and gratitude. It is easy to forget appreciation and love when you are in the middle of a fight with your partner, which is why it is so important to express these emotions after the issue is resolved.

Women, Stress, and Community

When I searched for a great picture to include with this article on women, stress, and community, the first two pictures I found of people talking over a fence were of two men, and the drawings were called "Neighbors talking over fence" and "Neighbors Helping Neighbors."

That was cool, but of the first twenty – yes, Twenty!! – pictures I found of women talking over a fence, all but one included the word "gossip." Thank goodness I found two great photos.

It's rather disappointing to see that the ole' double standard is still so actively alive and kicking. But, it sure proves my point: so many people mock the stereotypical 'women gossiping over the fence' that they don't realize just what it really meant and just how much emotional and moral support women really lost when the back-fence network disappeared from women's lives and lifestyles.

From the medieval blacksmith shop to the modern boardroom, a man's community has always been his work. That, and the pub or bar, is where men socialize, bond, discuss problems and solutions, all with the backdrop of the competitive male spirit. That is perfect for men; it's exactly the type of community-building socialization they need.

Before the advent of clothes dryers that allow a woman to complete all her laundry tasks indoors, and mega-grocery stores on every corner, and day-care, a woman built that same type of community over the back fence with her neighbors while she was outside hanging laundry, gardening, or tending her young children at play.

Far from being gossip sessions, these back-fence connections were community-building support networks. They offered everything from medical advice to parenting advice to marriage counseling to grief counseling; a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to watch your kids in an emergency. And, it was all reciprocal; you were there for your neighbors as much as they were there for you.

No wonder so many women are depressed and stressed out today. Their entire support network has been abolished in one generation, replaced by the clothes dryer and the grocery store. Now women can go out into the world and be productive while they socialize just like men! However, for women, the office or pub environment is not the same as the back-fence network.

For one thing, no matter how friendly she is with co-workers, the job site is a competitive environment, not nurturing. It isn't supposed to be nurturing, but lack of the right kind of social network leaves a very big hole in a woman's life. She can't go down to the pub and find the support network for the type of bonding women need, nor can she find there the opportunity to "tend and befriend" that women need when stressed. (See my previous article "Being With Friends Helps Keep You Healthy")

Today, experts talk about our men being sensitive and supportive, expecting them to fill the gap that most women don't even know has opened. But, let's face it, for the most part, all that tending and befriending is just not in the male nature. That's probably a good thing, otherwise all that predatory hunting in the jungle (urban or otherwise) would be tough on the male soul.

No doubt it's stressful for men when women try to stuff them into the costume of the grandmotherly or motherly neighbor. It just doesn’t fit….rarely can you replace the back-fence network with your Significant Other no matter how great he is.

To compensate, women have tried to replace this social network with fitness classes, book clubs, and volunteer work, among other things. While all that is great for the body, mind, and soul, it doesn't fulfill the need for the back-fence network. For one thing, most of those activities are specific to only one area of life, they aren't opportunities for the same sort of spontaneous conversation a woman can have in the safety of her own back yard.

There are some places where back-fence network is still healthy. My present neighborhood happens to be one of them for which I'm very thankful.

If the health of the back-fence network is at risk in your area, do something to save it! Find a way – any way you can – to get the ladies in your neighborhood together. Please don't think this is silly or frivolous. It isn't any more silly or frivolous than men's Power Lunches or Poker Night. You owe it to your health and your sanity to keep this women's community tradition alive.

Schedule a get-together for the ladies on your floor or in your apartment building or in your neighborhood once a month. Invite everyone regardless of age or social status. A community should be diverse. (I held a retreat at my home a week ago and invited women from all walks of life. The age range was 30 to 75. It was fantastic….everyone found some way to connect with everyone else, and that is what it is all about!)

If an invited lady consistently doesn't show up, don't assume she isn't interested. She may be shy, or nervous, or feel unwanted. Don't let anyone feel unwanted…..that is not what the back-fence network is about. It's about support and connection and community.

Whether your back fence is real or metaphorical, if you take the time to build the back-fence network in your community, it will reward you a hundred times over, more than any job or class or meeting ever could.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes!

Seven things about me

Seems I've been tagged by my friend Geraldine over at Veggies, Crafts, and Tails!

Sooooooo, let's see....seven things about me........

1. I love astronomy.

2. I was born on a Labor Day and also gave birth on a Labor Day.

3. I love science fiction and have been reading it since age 12.

4. Related to 3, one of my most prized possessions is a first edition of Isaac Asimov's first published novel Pebble In the Sky.

5. (Before moving to the northwest) I earned several ribbons for crochet and embroidery at the New York State Fair.

6. I'm tone deaf and can't sing to save my life.

7. I've lived in four houses in my life, and each of the house numbers, if you keep adding the numbers together until you get a single digit, reduce to 4: 211, 229, 715, and 1660. (i.e. 2+1+1=4; 2+2+9=13, 1+3=4; etc.)

Update.... elaborating on Number 5, since you asked.... :-)

I can't remember what year these were.....different years, I think, back in the 1980's.

The Camelot Pillow is counted cross-stitch on 18 ct. fabric (trees and bushes are French knots). The design is 174 X 107, and I made my own chart from a picture in a book on castles. I earned a Third Prize ribbon for that one.




















The crochet lighthouse is just something I was fooling around with one day - no pattern, just "off the cuff" as it were, and I mounted it to a flat rock using a hot-glue gun. It's a little hard to see, but there is a little brown boat on the rock (left of center) that is also crochet. This piece earned an Honorable Mention.
























Last but certainly not least, "Lord of the Rings" fans may recognize this from The Hobbit. It's a traditional embroidery of the doorway to Moria. This one earned a Fourth Prize ribbon.

























(The final ribbon-winning embroidery winner is no longer in my posession, but it also was Hobbit-related. It was from a Tolkien calendar, and was Gandalf at the doorway to Moria which I did for a friend. I think it got a Third Prize, too.)